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moldytoejampie
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Name: Winona
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Sacramento
Birthday: 4/7/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Nothing but ur usual: reading and writing, animals and psychology.... stick a pillow and a pen in there and i'm rather good to go. actually... forget the pillow. just give me a clean floor and i'm outy. it's the world's most muliti-purpose thing!! ahh, such glory....
Expertise: talking/writing too much and over-analyzing.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  ChickenqueenII
MSN: lilpiro@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  life_isolated
Member Since:
2/12/2004
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| tell me the point of a custody suit a month and a half before the child is 18, and the point of forcing somebody to see you by law because you "miss them."
i don't get it.
i just don't get it.
...and apparently, nor does he. | | |
| more and more and more, the fear of going beyond is freaking me out. all these questions are arising and i dont nkow the answers to them, and like a test i feel the anxiety growing exponentially as each section is left blank. i'm scared to leave. i'm scared of what will happen with me, mom, my family/pets... and when i think about it all, it all just seems so rediculous.
everything i ask about, people act as though my singular answer to all of the above is:
E. junior college
i realize that's no a bad route to go. but.... i dont now if i'll be able to get into anywhere in teh two years that i ned to. jc's have transfer agreements and i might be able to fudge with one of those. but....
teh prospect of leaving and graduating and having to do all these things but first learn how to do them all in a manner of months is, least to say, DAUNTING. here, my cat is sitting with me on my desk, listening to me type and slightly rocking from her sleepiness. i look at her and.. it's so stupid and i'm embarassed to say, but..i really can't leave my cat. i just can't. nobody really gets the idea that to our family, pets are more than pets. my kitty, my dogs... they're very much a part of my life that can't be detached by deliberate means. i'm hoping this panic is only related to my pms and that once it passes, so will this fear. but... i don't know. will it go away? i'm afraid it wont' until i decide on my path RIGHT NOW. RIGHT THIS INSTANT. i hate that about myself, but.. gah. i can't get over it. in a sense, i wish pomona hadn't contacted me until the other places had because i'm scaring myself shitless. i dont' think i'll get into the other places, but... assuming i don't, do i go to pomona? gah. either way i'll prolly need a car since campus housing doesnt' alow pets... again, i curse my stupidity....
an dhahaha, of course this is when i personally feel stupid for writing and stop in the middle.
[RESUMED LATER]
now that i've heard from pomona, and know that kevin heard his response from cal poly san luis obispo, i'm all antsy to hear mine. even my sister said that if it's taking this long, they've probably rejected me. i wish i knew for sure. i can wait for good news for a long while, but i can't wait for bad news hardly at all. if i didnt' make it, please just let me know NOW so that i can decide what to do with pomona or jc. i'm curious to go away to pomona, to see how life is outside of this small little town. but i keep wondering along with it all: what would happen to me, my family, pets.. how would my relations with my friends go, with kevin, with the younger people still in hs that i like to talk to now. i'd be completely new in an unknown area. my sister says she can have her firends take her amd me to pomona and back during spring break or whatever for a couple days. that's not a bad idea, but... i want to hear from slo first so that i can plan it.... and flights etc you have ot plan earlier. poo-face!! car, money, an IDEA, god forbid, of what the heck i'm gonna do.
blast it.
do i take the chance or leave it?
*frustrated sigh* i wish i knew. | | |
| A Poison Tree
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I watered it in fears,
NIght and morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,
And into my garden stole
When the night had veiled the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree. | | |
| arrive at work at 745 am.
notice nobody is there yet, go to unlock the door- deadbolt first. locked.
second, normal door lock. ....unusually easy. lucky day?
lock front doorlock. no deadbolt cuz i've been told not to do it a couple times before.
walk in, totally dark. hear a noise behind the grooming counter. freaked, but convinced self it was just kennel noise (i'm afraid of the dark and they've told me scary stories). nervous as hell.
stand about a little, walk back behind the grooming counter to catroom door area to turn on office lights. notice a little shelf knocked over and a blowdrying hose lying next to it, with a caulking gun on the floor near the bookshelf of tools. figured becky might have accidentaly knocked it over, decided to leave it in case cuz i didnt' know how i'd put it back.
turn on office lights. stand around wondering whether or not to turn on kennel lights. walk back to counter, walk back to lights, turn on. thought about turning on grooming lights but figured that would be unecessary and would be told so later by amber.
go towards office.
get my timecard and fill in arrival time, to kill time until amber showed up.
went back, looked at kennel, none save two/three had pooped yet so decided to loop and run (grab the dogs one by one and let them outside).
about seven/eight dogs later, amber asks me to open front door cuz she forgot her keys.
go out front and open door. office light still on (left on for amber).
amber turns on dryer in bathroom for groomers cuz asked to by becky/sandi, i go back out to dogs.
finish dogs.
amber and i go out front, me inside- amber outside to smoke on bench. i'm at entry getting tea.
i walk back and forth a couple times to put away proper silverware, get mug, etc. about two/three times.
go back, double check door is locked. amber quote: "does that door look locked to you? it doesn't to me. i'm just gonna go check.... sandi doesn't want you by urself anymore. she really does worry about you, and us, because there're so many fucked up people and things that go around here..."
we finish off, go back out, bring dogs in and hose.
walk out to office to fill out timecards, amber calls bf on cell.
i turn around and notice tons of change on the floor. wtf?
cash register open. 2x wtf
i ask amber and she starts getting worried. tells me to call sandi.
call sandi.
notice the groomer's dwares open. melissa's open most with some change remaining. huh??
sandi= "what happened?... any bills in the register?"
kennel check:
open register
change on floor (pennies and dimes)
knocked over minishelf
missing dryer base (hose left)
grooming dryer in bathroom CUT off/out
door to outside in small kennel closed but broken: latch undone, handle still chained... but knocked off, hanging on kennel door.
all dogs there and safe.
what happend?
====> burglary.
when?
....while we were there? right before?...
what's missing?
===> one whole grooming dryer, and base of another; all groomer's checks; $288 from register.
*cops and sandi arrive, becky and dave call us... amber and me? scared to hell.
i was there first and heard noise.... could that have been the burglar? what if i could have stopped them? if i'd turned on the groomer's lights, could i have saved us from this #blank burglary? how could it have been a break in if the door is broken from the inside and latch that can't be undone unless from inside is? was the register closed or was i really that oblivious? i was there first, did i ruin any evidence in my stuttering actions? was i in any danger by myself in there? ....!! a dog was sniffing the back of the outside kennel towards the back of the building. when i tried to call her away, she refused. other dogs must have been too, because i remember thinking, "there must be a squirrel or something out there. *smile* dogs..." did i miss a bunch of chances to catch this person??? *tense/anxious* aaaaaggghhhh.... ><; scaring me, scaring me....! nnn! *fret* | | |
| i was expecting a little bit more than what i got for my paycheck....   but.. oh well. i did get three days off and a hundred dollar bonus.... granted that has more or less flown out the window pretty quickly. 631.01 -meh. i really wish i could drive. then i might be able to get another job... one that doensn't require full-day dedication and not pester my mom for rides all the time... oh well. ali got her liscence when she was 19... there's still hope for me, right? (9 9)  haha, maybe i'll be able to talk to some old folks on their way to their bingo sites for some money-making connections.
christmas wasn't bad. nor was new years. i feel bad that i didn't spend it with any of you guys (maddy, miss, lucas) but.... now that i'll have more time, hopefully i'll be able to get together with all of you soon.
how were your christmases? (...is that how you spell it plural?) | | |
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